Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i've created a new STD.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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