I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She announced her abortion via fbk
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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