I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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