Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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