My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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