apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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