Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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