I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
