I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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