I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Randomize
