I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
