Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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