Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
