Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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