you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
