i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
