and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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