I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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