1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
