Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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