New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
