either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just blew my weed a kiss
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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