I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize