you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
pop tarts are not kleenex
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
