new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
