smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
