I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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