Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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