Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
