the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
