The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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