I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
