Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
