; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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