I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize