R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
