I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
