I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
