i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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