her vagine was all disorganized.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
