Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
