my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
