hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
