Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
