ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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