i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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