No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
