i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
