So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
