when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
