my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
