It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
