Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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