Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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