hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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