please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
