He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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