And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
