Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize