I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
