I skipped work to stalk him.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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