i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
