I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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