When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
