awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
